SHORT!!!

When I was in Vietnam, a significant date that everyone kept track of was your DEROS (Date Eligible for Return from Overseas). When you came within 100 days of your DEROS, you were considered a Short-timer or SHORT (for short). I'm reminded of this as I count down the days, hours, minutes and seconds till I hit my Re-purpose date (sometimes called retirement) at 5:00 PM this Friday.

One of the benefits of being SHORT was the privilege of boasting about your status. These boasts took the form of "I'm so short that...". I feel the need to share some, so here goes: 

"I'M SO SHORT THAT"........ 

-When I jump out of bed, I free fall for 3 minutes before I open my chute! And then it takes all day to climb out of my boots!
-I could parachute off a dime!
-I had to parachute off my bunk to the floor today!
-I can walk on stilts under a pregnant amoeba!
-I am knee high to a tadpole!
-I drink coffee with a long straw because I can't reach the table!
-I have to jump up to look down!
-I can play handball against a curb!
-They use my height to measure jungle boot tread!
-I could jump off the edge of a quarter and scream "AAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh" all the way down!
-I was too short to be seen at my farewell party!
-I have to blouse my flak vest inside my boots!
-I have to look UP to a 2nd Lieutenant!
-I have to stuff paper in my boots to see out!
-I could sit on my thumb and let my feet dangle!
-I can sleep in a matchbox!
-I have to part my eyebrows to trim my toenails!
-You can see my feet on my driver's license!
-I can walk under a worm without bending over!
-I can sit on a dime and dangle my feet!
-I have to use a ladder to scratch a snake's belly!
-I left yesterday!
-I could trip on a dime!
-I can't even carry on this conversation!
-My feet don't touch the ground!
-I can't even stand on a dime to see over a nickle!
-I have to look up to see down!
-I don't have to open the door to leave the room!
-By the time you recognize me, I'll be gone!
-During firefights, I just crawl under my rucksack!
-During incoming, I have my personal sandbag to get under!
-I am next!
-I won't write another letter, because I'll beat it home!
-I can hide behind a blade of grass!
-You don't really see me, I'm just a figment of your imagination!
-I got lost in my boots, just putting them on!
-I can sit on a dime and dangle my legs!
-I can walk under a pregnant ant with a top hat on!
-I need a ladder to step up on the curb!
-I need a step stool to reach the piss tube!
-I'm too short for long conversations!
-You need a magnifying glass to see me!
-I have to stand on tip-toes to see out of a tank track!
-I'm counting seconds!
-I might not start another letter, 'cause I'll be gone before I finish it!


I've had a countdown clock running on this blog for the past few weeks, but in the low-tech era of 1969, this is what a Short-timer used to keep track of his remaining time to DEROS

I'm back in the same mode as I was pre-DEROS. All I can think about is "what's next?". I have a lot of plans for my re-purposed years and can hardly wait to get at them. I just hope I can remember what they were.

Tom Rush - Remember